A notebook

I started a new notebook and as it develops into more its geared towards one person. Another good way to get my feelings out since I can't seem to talk about them or wrap my head around things. Were the past few months of my life just a lie? Where was I? Was I just confused? Would confusion hurt this bad? I had to delete a number so I could be strong and not text... I would have by now where she hasn't. She is strong because she's moved on and is over it. It's not like I don't have her number in my house phone. She'll be just fine it's me that's not doing so great. Friends who show their true colors here... And then I wonder what was I all along if its this easy to let go and have no contact. Back to my notebook, her 9th!