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What celebrity would play you in a movie about your life?

I think Natalie Portman would be astounding... plus, she's cute.

What would your perfect day look like?

A day alone doing whatever I want, like sleep in, go hiking, if I were by a beach my arse woould be planted there.

What was the happiest moment in your life?

Well fuc, the day I was born... the others are many happy moments, how to pinpoint just one.

Ask me anything

Coles Whalen on The Deuce

mental cleansing...

Who knows a bit all over the displacement..

Luckily we’ve been blessed with days full of sunshine and warmth rather than big snow storms in the month of October! How quickly CO recovers from so much snow and how easy it is to say, “it’s snowing I can’t go in today.”

I wish I hadn’t taken the motor out of my fountain because I’d be running it. It calms me and I can tell, it’s going to be hard letting go this Winter. People fade away into their own land of warmth and comfort as do I, even in the Summer! This year it’s harder after spending time with a few people more than others, becoming that “winter hermit” isn’t so much me anymore… as long as I have my music to go to!

I was extremely happy when I got front row Brandi tix again. I’m gradually learning, as if I didn’t know, who’s there and where for what, however much it hurts to admit to myself. I always say next year will be different… than just want to have fun so I give into my temptation. I could’ve paid a credit card off vs. go to all the Summer concerts I did…. But what’s the fun in that? I’ve thought about literally becoming a hermit for winter but I already made plans or have plans in the waiting.

I’ve quickly messed up again with my thoughts and my words and let things go to far for me, for I was drug in. Addicted briefly but detoxing right now, my veins still feel… your presence. I try not looking to you, try being ever so casual, try doing what you drive me to do… leave you. How quickly I forget that I’ve told myself before not to be lured in, not to be inspired by the mere thought of what “might” be there, or just that “’you” might be there.

This is one reason why going alone to places doesn’t bother me, nobody assumes I’m with whoever I show up with just because we might be cuddly or give a lil friendly peck. I can’t deny I love the company of a few people but right now, I don’t feel I’ve anything to add. I’m not extreme on emotions anymore, I hide well or you’d really know.

It’s amazing the people you meet online vs. the people you meet out at the club. All you can do is Hope that the other’s being honest. I’ve met more “real” people on here this past yr than I have going out. The casual hello vs. a real conversation. It may be by emailing back and forth or chatting but it’s more in depth. I like seeing the deeper side of people, their artistic measure from writing, painting, music, dancing, dressing, the layout of my bedroom…. Ok, just keeping you awake. We’ve come a long way in the “how to” or “how to not” find friendship, dating, or a relationship.

My life, my body, just doesn’t seem to like the Winter months. My sore broke open again, which seems to be repetitious for yrs now come friggin’ Winter or cold. To heal it back up requires an unknown number of days straight in bed, no getting (which I am all too guilty of!) last time it took 8 months to heal. We had it healed up to a pinhead opening, I went to the VA for a week and Boom, twice the size it was plus it had depth to it. I couldn’t lay on their beds when I have a Select Comfort bed that sits up and even has massage and yes, pressure adjusting.

So far things are going alright. I know one aide feels bad about not being here yesterday so he didn’t cancel Friday. Now come Friday afternoon I should have my permit…. Yes, the lil 15 yr old test and if I fail I will be so ashamed. Long Beach VA or I’m going to check if San Diego was a choice… soonest is bestest! Word!

Sometime’s I feel forgotten about, or I’m there if needed out of convenience. One reason I pray I’ll have my license by Summer with my van adapted, is so I needn’t worry where anything is and I can drive myself or be sober cab. I’m not against taking anyone, going with anyone, but I have to admit, I don’t know where these people have gone to. I can only learn a fine lesson in this right? Actions speak loudly. Indeed I could’ve paid off a credit card vs. taking all those I did to about 10 concerts at least, 4 tix to every show. Why do I feel stupid now I did all that?? My internal battle or are these people around only when it’s “good?” I want to trust myself and say No but then doubt sets in.

It’s like the good angel on one shoulder and the bad on the other.

Nursing’s gotten way better but it’s like even having 2 trained in isn’t working, I need a 3rd. Is it bad I’m almost biased and want a guy? The guys have worked out great for the most part. Some don’t mix with my gay aide and if not they disappear. Plus, I’m picky.

I’m told I’m “very particular” and I just say “how would you be?” I’ve had 2 aides so far who’ve told me they’d be Worse than me, I’ve learned to just “settle for it” at times, whether it’s the pants, hair, even how they rub my butt. My life and my demands have gotten less and less… by demands I should clarify,, how my hair is done, what shirt I’m wearing, if I look like I got a “package” up front. Not such high demands but I can’t fix myself or I wouldn’t have an aide.

My hair I’m going to cut/shave as soon as I’m told it’s long enough! When you can’t do it yourself I don’t recommend long hair!

The littlest things you don’t think about. My Gram and I were on the phone this morning and it just came out; I literally have to pay someone to be my hands and it’s a true statement. I can’t even open a letter, oh wait my mouth, well I can’t clean my closet out alone! The great abyss of “she who has too much!”

Until I write more I want my mood switched therefore I must quit this… tempting erotic writing shouldn’t go here!

Laugh, Dance, Cheers!

Round it up with wonderful people!

This was Oct 1st, perfect end to Summer... Coles Whalen's Whistle Stop CD Release! Such a big heart, big dimples, deceiving innocent smile, and Hotness in one package! (www.coleswhalen.com to check her out, TOURING NOW!) Only shows not shown here are Melanie Susuras Band's (www.msbmusic.com) the Mosh Pit of Modest Mouse, Kings of Leon at Red Rocks, which I took everyone to, Fun, and a few others but thinking evades me right now!)

Cowgirl Gansta you are Coles!Coles, Kim O'Hara, who's t shirt I'm sporting below... show the love! (Twitter? @coleswhalen and @kimohara!)Mm mm, beautiful and talented as well, Angie Stevens of Angie Stevens and The Beautiful Wreck (www.angiesstevens.com/ @queenofthismess on Twitter!) Well, we were doing a Rockstar pose with Brandi Carlile, who is as cute and nice as you would think she would be. (www.brandicarlile.com)


She also signed both our cowboy hats! Heart racing fun... to find the words, Incredifuckingbelievable!

Can't miss Jen Korte of Jen Korte and The Loss (check myspace,) her voice hits such a range and catches that raspyness that's much like Melissa Etheridge but bway sexier!Jenny Owen Youngs, funny and now I need buy her a whip to whip Danny the Drummer Girl here into shape! Then again, Danny might've known how to use the camera! Too bad she only played like 4 songs and not 1 was "Fuck Was I!" Jennnny, come on girl!Juliet Lewis in Denver at the Chata whatever park! She is a total Rockstar and oh so sexy stuck in the 80's with her feather's! Friggin' sexyass... I was about 10' away from her walking to her tour bus and said nothing... I should've but I feel it's quite bothersome to some to constantly get stopped (though on most occassions people actually Want to meet me alone (I love being in a chair sometimes!)Mom's camera was messed up but I did get to meet Jack Ingram at Red Rocks too... his video from there shows how great he is (it's on my youtube, he goes barefoot in the song Barefoot and Crazy and tells everyone to throw their shoes up like Graduation Day!)Darius Rucker was so oddly impressive I love him more after seeing his show andwell, he covered two of my favorite songs "FamilynTradition" and dayumm, "Purple Rain!" (also on my youutube channel!)

The most amazing concert, I kind of fell in love with him, his dancing as he played, fun loving free spirit, trueness, and totally involves the crowd... Jason Mraz at Red Rocks!! Check youtube for "Jason Mraz at Red Rocks."

Jenny Owen Youngs just saying, Denver don't take over!

Angie Stevens with Something Underground at Woodstock at Red Rocks!

Coles Whalen... You just have to see her live! Check out Kim O'Hara too, the lovely bassist who can also beat the bongo... and can beat my bongo anytime!

Whatevver else is not posted here I'm sure is on my Youtube channel. This Summer was full of fun and friends. Now that it's Winter... I go at it alone so don't be afraid to say "'ello."

it is what it is what may be

To think I wanted to have a quicky night on here… never seems to happen. Why I even record tv shows is beyond me when the only one’s I stay up to date on are #1 WEEDS and now Nurse Jackie fucking rocks… truthiness in humor! True Blood is also my show, though I haven’t been keeping up on it… In Plain Site is awesome too with the chick from the movie Coyote Ugly (bar manager, hot!) Things are just going really good, even if today was a bit “messay” things have been abundantly positive. Sore’s healed, getting up 7 days a week now (if it doesn’t get messed up like Sunday.) I hate missing events I want to go to and it’s nothing but care holding me back. Getting solved though.

The non-glorious thing for me, being Retired but still feeling like God somehow gave me a harder job than when I was “working.” It’s been trying. I’ve had a couple fiends that’ve really stepped out, on my bad days I’m saved and comforted. Relaxed again and not feeling the weight’s are so heavy. There’s good and there’s bad… I admittedly cried today. We went to look for my class ring, black hills gold, opal surrounded by diamonds, and someone had cleaned out my jewelry box as well as took my Gucci watch leaving the case (I don’t wear it much and I wanted to.)

What the fuck is wrong with people? Stealing, from me of all people… you ask and I’m stupid enough to say “yes.” I don’t get people, just because I may not have hands to go up and look. It had to be somebody who was in my room and knew I’d be gone or not in my room. One of my aides… probably the one fired for stealing from me before and I didn’t catch it.
I’m completely exited for tomorrow night… Coles Whalen, Kim O’Hara and another at The Walnut Room! I shouldn’t open my mouth but here I’ve grown to simply love these two and Angie Stevens. They’re truly amazing from music to the heart. WALNUT ROOM, GO! My newfound love for Coles grows with how genuine she is… you have to love someone who’s parents are right there.

I’m going solo, while most I know are going if they’re in town, and this tells me something… no, not to find a girlfriend… I think I covered this with my new pcp, quizzical! Am I a loner? It’s not by choice I go alone, I make my plans to go and whatever happens does. What is it that I can’t put my finger on? Maybe when I get my license more will come… but that won’t be for a while. I’ll love it when I can drive… I’ll have to go to bed later for sure, I hate having a “bedtime,” but because of nursing I must. Can I bring someone home? They’d be waiting while I get in bed. Meet here a lil later? Possible but then trust is a big issue! Nope, no one nighters, unless it’s kissing!

Ha, ok, I should, go because my train of thought is now going in the gutter and only one persons on my mind… can’t even call her! Story of my life… like phone sex is bad when it’s someone you know? Hell, makes it better depending on the who and circumstances. Distance?! Men get blue balls, what do women get? A trip to the bathroom or for some “thinking off!” Who can do that??

Yes, this is definitely where I leave off… with no pictures L Bedtime!?

Love, Laugh, Cheers!
~N J

Who Can NOT Love Amanda Palmer

Who can Not Love Amanda Palmer

Why do I love Amanda Fucking Palmer? Question is, How can't you love her? Her Openness is so genu-wine other artist's should take note... as the amount of "AFP" Fans and Tweeters grow. She has introduced a new movement for artist's to stay close to fans from "shows for donations" to, oh yes, "strip club tweet meets!"

Note to Strip Clubs: Get a few Artist to Tweet for you and you'll fill the place!



Enjoy the blog and article, if you don't... well, fuck, get naked, drink a bottle of wine, join a #LOFNOTC via Twitter, and crank up "Guitar Hero" and go crazy!! The next morning you'll want to replay!
The Amanda Fucking Palmer Blog... Keep it Real! Is that Amanda Palmer Nude?
Yes, these Are Nude Photos of AFP on a #LOFNOTC! Twitter Body Art!



The Amanda Palmer Email List!

Cheers!

"Save a Guitar Lick a Guitarist"

A Fourth and Then some

Closer to Me

My 4th of July date was passed out by the time fireworks were even considered. The power of kids... you'll find out the limits of your patience, you'll find out how biased you can be "My kids cuter than yours" wars can begin even when they're not your kids! On top of that you'll find out if you want kids or if you just want to be the "babysitter!" Give them candy and then give them back.

It does seem like I'm pretty comfortable... people have no problem getting comfy on me or even using my lap as a chair! If they're cute, no objections here!

This is from a previous attempt of "how many can pile on?" This could and has gotten worse in the past... oh how I love and miss dancing. I'm forced just to go myself, alone, and I'm just not ready for that. Going to do other things alone iscool enough for me, 'el solo, but dancing is something I need work myself up to come say for the !st Friday in August... then, I hear partying with the gay boys is better and "duh, hello," how can anyone pass up an 80's night on a Friday?

Admit it, it's not just age that says "I have to work tomorrow, I can't go out/stay out late," it's your common sense... or, you've learned what a hangover is like at work. I'd hate to be an alcoholic construction worker, the "pound pound" of a hammer plus a hangover must be hell.

Though no fireworks for the 4th I did have good company. A few of my "friends" went camping, I would have loved that but it'd be very hard. Maybe finding a gf that wants to do stuff like that should be added to me "picky" list of what I "choose" in someone. No doubt I would've been invited... until they know I can do it, until I know I can, I'll dream and have fun... someday!

Face it, normally you don't get everything we "want" we'll go find the missing pieces, if you get all you "need" then you'll go searching for the rest of what you "want." Ends in cheating, open relationships, and then break ups. Therefore "choosing" is a more proper word... in choosing all you want/need in someone the only way you can go wrong is by not going by the choices you've made. Past... Present... Future... all play a role in your "choosing."

Going out to eat yesterday was fine, I love the bbq but oh well, Mexican was fine. I had a Grapefruit Mojito that was super tart, Wow! The manager there sat and talked to us for a long while... I couldn't hardly look at her because of the cleavage showing naturally drawing my eyes like an invisible force beam! Cute but straight. Very questioning about me and my aide's situation... I think she thought we were together even though Gianni talks more feminine than I do! Think of your stereotypical gayboy with a "Girl, don't you know it," combined with that hand thing.

Why do most all feminine gay boys have that hand thing? To show they can use them well? They just ever-so-slowly bend that wrist, unless it's done enthusiasticly... flamboyant! (I must spell check this!)

The questions were why we didn't live together, then why we were single, then came the bald guy and Gianni whispering something like "I wouldn't mind taking him to the bathroom," or so he tld me later he was thinking... and then told her to which came "Oh honey I'm gay," hand fling! You wouldn't guess it, until you heard him talk... but he also dresses in very nice clothing. Let's just say my peeps notice "Gianni got you ready.." Wear it, own it, get loved in it!

I can be honest in saying I've as much alone as I've felt content. Is that possiblr to feel both? What might be lacking? Close friends for one... it would be nice to have someone, or two, that I could call up and say "what are your plan?" I can say the only time I back out is if my aide doesn't come or it'd be a medical disaster... or whatever's going on is at an inaccessible place. I've had lunch a couple times... each time with one friend I find truly caring and a friend- but not one that wants to go out.

Makes me wonder if it's because of driving, drinking, meeting the aide at a certain time, or me, stopping them/anyone from asking to just go out. Now I do have a time limit if I don't have my schedule arrranged for the late night aide- who'll come at 1 if I ask buut I usually tell her Midnight... Pumpkin time.

Sadly, I could put "How well do you me" test up and my friends wouldn't be able to answer unless they guessed right. Do most your close knit friends:

A. Know your favorite drink? B. Know your favorite type of food? C. Know what music you like? D. Know your pets name? E. Know what you did last weekend? F. Seen you in the last 2 weeks? G. Know your favorite color?

Simple questions to me that yes, you do know almost ALL the answers to the questions above.

The greatest thing is my sore is healing... which means I've one buddy to make up for annd get out and make her dance! It split open a little but I need to learn to go flat before falling asleep. These Select Comfort beds are so comfortable... it's just the VA won't pay repairs. I was up for about 7 hours on the 4th and it felt good, hurt cuz of pain elsewhere and I couldn't retain my BP.. if not for tilt I'd have passed out about 10 times. Too much weight loss? I can't wait to be back to up all day again and if I go out Gianni just redresses me... after a sunny sweaty day, hell to the yeah!

Life might hand you lemons, life might throw them at you, life might just peg yuh wiith lemons... best thing to do, if you're not a drinker to make "Lemondrops" and if your bra is already full, just put the juice in your hair and go bask in the sun! Life is too Grand to waste lemons plus, lemon water is refreshing just like life should Be!

University of Andy: How to Start a Band

Reflection

As I sit here and sweat I’m thinking “wtf am I doing?” One might be smart and shut the computer down, lay back, toke up, and kill the sweats… I’ll skip to the later.

Reflecting this week: I learned a little bit more about stocks, most importantly would be to have the money there to invest.
Secondly… most of my stock is in Solar power and of course, the company the VA goes through, or two rather, for supplies… all doing nicely.

Top two again this week: Amanda Fucking Palmer and yes, Jason Mraz… best two blogs! I’m not sure but I don’t think you could ask for two more grounded people who openly admit they’ve problems like you or I. you can get at their blogs via Myspace or their websites. Go for it!
Amanda palmer is like numero uno right now… just to see all the writing on her body after a very fulfilling Friday night that makes you feel like “this is where I should be right now.” "Amanda Palmer Unites #LOFNOTC'

My own writing:"Broken" and it's Many meanings for me: If everyone knew how much effort this took. Writinng by mouth thinking "Mirror Reflection?" It was easy after the Pen exploded in my mouth.

At the end of the night… one of the most beautiful pictures… yes, I cut the size but trust me, there‘s writing ALL over. Instead of typing, it was writing tweets on your body! Creative people out there! I did the best I could considering.

It was very therapeutic for me. Sometimes it’s the greatest revelation to realize you’re not alone.
I say it, one more smoke…

Just when I think I’ve so much to lay out there I’m at a loss for words and what I might write could get me in trouble, I still hold back. How can I get in trouble when the friends don’t talk to me anyway… thank you for that point. Fiends no, more like people I know. I can count my friends on one hand and some might find that bad, others might understand, some might think it’s sad, I’m growing more and more content… alone.

A helpful factor, both days I was checking someone out last weekend, they were alone. Alone? Why? Her!? But she knows everyone… then I go out and it never fails I’m well taken care of by this person or that one. I can go at it… alone.
　
I just wish I drove.
This week, Wednesday if it works… pray my paperwork isn’t outdated to get my permit and on that list for once! Hopefully it’ll be Cali bound!
I haven’t enough in me to continue… the want I need will come… later after my laptop’s on the floor damniit.
Until then…

Cheers!
NS
　
　
　

Brandi Carlile @ The Pabst Theatre

A picture can say many different things... for instance this one.

A. My hands are bound

B. I feel restrained

C. I am chained to her

D. I'm held back by my own restraining.

E. Bound and Ready baby!

There's many things we can all come up wit, I'd love to hear what this picture makes you think... first 5 reactions?? Depending on tje mood this picture can be restraining or erotic. Tonight looking at it does both... turns me on but I know those thoughts must be kept under my "hat." Usually they are for anyone, I won't admit anything because the foolish flirting is fun. would i ever admit anything anyway??