It's been a week now since my Grandpa died. I worry about my Gram and what she'll do now, she's already taking midday naps, slowing herself down. She's expressed already that she won't have anything to do even though it seems like she's keeping pretty busy for now. She's talking about selling everything on auction now. It all gets me thinking about my own life and my wishes....
I've already discussed giving my house to Susan and Lisa, they've been there like no other friends. Susan is a great BD (best buddy,) to have. The rest of everything in my house pretty much has a home already outside of here... the paintings go to the bands, I figure they'll like them most. Coles Whalen and Kim Ohara did great by giving me their painting that was given to them.... they knew it would be well kept. I love my art.
Times change and I found out how much tonight when Ali invited everyone to her mom's for her birthday.... As much as I dislike it I get it. We've grown apart and I couldn't have tried harder to be her friend but she couldn't handle it, can't handle it. She can barely be next to me. I'm civil to her and that's it. If I go to a show it's for the others in the van. I only went to the last show because of the people who told md to go... to be with friends and it was pretty good music. A year... I shouldn't let stuff get to me when it comes to Ali, I was merely a stop in the bumpy road she was traveling. Acceptance.
I'm not sure what I've been feeling lately, it's a mixture of emotions with my life. It's coming up on 20 years in a chair next year. It amazes me I've lasted this long... and I'm still a wee bit sane! I'm grateful for some really good aides I've had in my life. At first 5 years seemed like a hard goal to reach, llikke if I made it that long it was good enough. Good enough for who? Me and shouldn't it be that really that's all that matters?
I've this crush on someone everyone seems to have a crush on... and she seems to like femme women and that's something I'm not. I guess you can't judge me by my clothing bercause what I'd like to be wearing I often can't. I do love my tight shirts in the Summer, shows off my muscle and I'm getting alot of it from working out. I also finally got my lap steel guiktar and thhe splints we made to play it. My friend who wadd going to teach me I featrvwants way too much money... aYoutube baby, it's free and I can go at my own pace. Susan is the only one 3ho'll sit down for free with me, that's a friend. There's not much of anything she can teach me.
I really want this remodel started like yesterday, then it's all about the fung shuia (sp?) of the pkace. I still need to decide on colors or a color.. Red or purple are moving me, a shade of one or theother. Lots to decide upon completion.
I want to get planning some Summer fun! If only to have the money for SUG to play here again. We'll see... it's one way to end the Summer or with somme Dear Marsha! Good ties to be had... soon.
