Not Great Not Bad

Things aren't great but they sure aren't bad. I realize it's easier than I thought being away from her. It's not that I don't think about her all the time it just helps being preoccupied. It helps leaving my phone on the charger or simply on the bed so I'm not tempted and I don't look at it every two minutes. I realize I'm doing okay, even better than that. 

There were so many things I tried to ignore, Yet still so much I adore. But I had to let go. I'm not quite sure what kind of friend she wanted in me but it wasn't the type of friend that you ordinarily see. I just had to walk away. If only for a day or two, maybe longer, Maybe forever. Some things don't seem to faze her as long as there is somebody by her side. 

It might be different if she could joke. It might be different if she didn't take me so seriously. It might have been saved if only she could admit everything to herself, Everything she said that we were. It might have changed if she had excepted what I was saying. It might have gotten better if only we could have talked. The spoken word is always one you can tell the truth by. 

I'm not sure what to do anymore except make myself more open to every possibility. To make myself more available. To throw wind into the universe and let things take its course. I am ready. I have excepted things long ago but now I am ready to open the doors... Again. 

Go Westword Youngman!

Such a great weekend with Westword Music and then another day full of friends... My life is full of love and I'm finding out the universe is taking care of things. 

Round 1 with Something Underground. Amazing guys in every aspect!

Round 2 with John Common and The Blinding Flashes of Light. Incredible!

Round 3 with I'm With Her. Fabulous duo!! 

Round 4 went to John Wirtz at Dazzle and... Pizza... And I saw some true colors fly sadly. 

Round. 5 was the Blackouts. Loud and astounding. Love chicks that can play!! 

Round 6 was MF Rukus... Talk about a loud and awesome show! 

Round 7 went to Shake Rattle Rattle Shake. Totally awesome and Hot!! 

Round 8 & 9 my cell died for Trampled By Turtles and then DaDa something took over and I was stuck in the middle of a huge rave!! Scary, dangerous, FUN! I was told lots of things that were needed that night and hooked up with a great crew in front and smoked while jumping up and down... If only I had a camera! 

 

Tonight's show Veronica May and Violet and The misconstrued?

Red Rocks

Edward Sharp!

First Red Rocks show end of May was Edward Sharp and the Magnificent Zeros with Alabama Shakes... Loved it and never heard him!!! 

Ventalicious...

So much has come to light. I love still, in many ways, and the one I thought I was so in love with is showing more of who she is. I didn't voice my thoughts before they were confirmed.. "You think that too?!" 

I miss so much but right now I feel how selfish things are and I've this debate in my head over what to do. How long can we last like this? She's about to lose my friendship any day too. I haven't seen her since... Monday and she wasn't even out to see me. It seems she's doing much better than me with not seeing each other but then she has alot to preoccupy her. 

It's been all week and she could have even extended an invite to her house just to sit outside like we do here. What's funny is she has invited two others. And I believe she's ignorant to the fact that I can and like to go to the pool. 

This is my venting. It feels as if she is a friend who calls you when she has no one left to call. Luckily her marriage is going great and he wants to spend more time with her as well as they've plans together, a more futuristic goal. I'm happy for her as I never wanted anything more luckily. I knew I wanted an affair and fun it's just awful what it's boiled down to. I feel I've also lost my best friend. My best buddy tries helping and I love that about her and her wife. 

Ahh, and now I can breathe. 

Indeed!!