If there was a time it has passed. I've completely fallen in love and couldn't let go if I tried. The feelings exchanged between us are so passionate, loving, and intense. I love the letting go and feeling and embracing the happiness found in each other. It's hard not to feel I've complicated things even more by bringing such joy to a life of pain. How does anyone live in such misery and still keep a smile on their face? Walking on eggshells, never saying a thing worth really talking about really. Yes, I understand and have heard the anger, hurt, resentment. All places you don't want a relationship to go.
I can't bring myself to walk away knowing how I feel in it's rare find. I don't look around and see if there's better out there because I'm so happy. Now, tonight, I feel it ripped away, and can't help but wonder what's next. I know I can't do this and I know I can't watch anyone go through abuse caused by myself. Maybe it was bad before me but it seems worse... (or in you're happiness you're just realizing how much you've been missing out on and deserve more.) Everyone deserves to be told "I love you" everyday and a kiss "Hello," or "Goodbye." If the choice is to stay where you know you're miserable than you'll reflect that. If you're completely happy you'll exude that and everyone around you will feel it.
For instance: ____ coming over with a bundle full of stressful energy and the first thing you do is say "You need a joint!" Then there's ____, walks in, hugs, laughs, talk, you don't need to detensify them. Yes, my own made up word maybe but that's OK. My house is all about detensifying and cleansing and calm. I love that people think and feel that way. My place is the place to decompress.
And to My Love.
The night was missing without you. I still read your words from the last text, "...my mind and soul and heart are with you all the time." Who can't rest easy with that? I love that about you, your reassurances. After today and tonight I sense a change coming again. My heart fears which way it may blow because I don't want to let go. How often have I found someone like you? Never. How many times have I known this bliss when I'm with you? Never. That's hard to give up once found because you may not find it again. I am happy alone because I'm secure with our love. Part of me is afraid if you weren't tied down you wouldn't be here with all the talk I here about men. Why me then? Did you think it was "safe?" I guess we know that's not the case, even more so when your heart's involved. I'm glad you're able to see now all that you could have and more with no holding back. Imagine, not having to hide or hold back except in front of little people. Respect. I'm not forcing anything except trying to Enforce some talking... which seems like is far overdue. Talking not leaving or walking out, underneath you have to find the love and at least be friends and soon, that won't be there. I don't want you to be afraid of anything. I'm here and not going anywhere right now. It is hard when I can't see you let alone call and now texting you has been taken away. I feel this is going to get hard but I'm trying to hang in there, because you are the one I'm in love with. My love.
No comments:
Post a Comment