Words cut like a knife

How hurtful can one be? If the one you were sleeping with asks if you’ve ever smelled somebody and had their taste linger in your mouth then say that happened to them just the other day and IT WASN’T YOU! I know I don’t give C enough sex, hell I’d do it everyday with her sexy body, but things said keep moments from happening… then this. Tonight. It told me she doesn’t think about me anymore and damn, why do I want someone who’s tasting other women in their mouth even if it is a memory. I’m not good enough. I’ve always had this complex about being able to please someone and she kinda confirmed it by telling me she’s faked it the past few times and I do nothing for her. Well, I can say the only person that’s made me have an orgasm lives in California and be damned if we didn’t get in some freaky positions… in the van straddling the seat and me, tilted back in the chair, ok I best stop. Me and C have been in kinkier positions though and if you ever read the journal I deleted, FUCK, you’d know the sex was fucking awesome when all was good. Yeah, I deleted 2 years of my life, journaling as well as writing. People can’t come to me and C came in in tears and told me Ash called her cuz someone told her blah blah blah… in the end I deleted the whole damn thing because I felt so fucking guilty… but it’s MY journal. With all said and done even though I vent I also defend C down to everything because why? I made her this way… is that possible or is it that it’s there but only brought to the surface?? I’m thinking the latter because you control your feelings and nobody can piss you off or hurt you without you letting them. God gave us one thing, free will.