Quiet with a shot of Fireworks

So often I enjoy my alone time because I hardly get any during the week. This weekend, admittedly, feels different. Somehow, it being a three day weekend, the 4th, I feel alone. I feel myself lacking in the "friend" category... the real friends vs the friends. I'm finding more and more the word friend has it's own sub category's. Those who know of you and say hi and call you a friend, those who come around every so often but it takes no time to catch up and feels comfortable, there are those that those that would be there but they can't, there are some that are there when convienient, some when they want or need something, and I'm finding how rare it is you find those true friends that you hang out with and talk to and are there on a daily basis. Goddess how things change as we go through life... think back to High School when it was so easy making and trusting friends. Back when there was less... technology ruining our communication yet helping it. Helping it by texting "hey, can u meet me.." when you can't talk.

The remedy... the caregiver I wanted to get rid of is the only one concerned about me getting out of the house. Winter time I could are less but come Summer, I feel like a slacker when I don't go out. And honestly, who wants to go alone everywhere? Most places I don't care who I'm with but often I just like going alone. Nobody likes being sobercab for me. Then again nobody ever calls me up to say "we're going here tonight.." Friends vs "friends!"

To me the wheelchair isn't disabling but in their eyes... I'd like to know what they truly see because I don't think it's me. I don't think anyone knows the whole real me.... because of trust, because I'm overly cautious. When cards and surveys ask you what super power you wish you could have... mine might just be the power to read minds, however painful. The truth don't lie.

i love my tattoo but now i want even more. If Michelle, my mind boggling love, would ever send that tattoo of her saying, "Olive Juice xo." She still drives me crazy and can get on my every emotion.... whether that''s good I'm not sure. I love her. I might see glimpse's of hopeful daters but then some kind of warning bells are set off or it turns out we're better friends.... but it's ok to have ,my crushes I know nothing will happen with down the road. A friend with benefits would be nice right now. How quickly one person was to point out where they're coming from so I'm clear nothing's going on further. Ouch.

Someday. For now, one day at a time... fix this problem I'm having. Cheers and goodnight.