Angelic Voice sing to me....

What I can't say or do fall's on me like a brick and they keep piling up. What stops me? Fear? Fear of what.... thinking the other person might go "WTF?"

I need direction to show me the way... Amanda Capper... loving, angelic, alluring voice... My Janis all the way on top of that. Her cd is under her group Remember May! Rock on!

I guess we know who is on my mind. I write and write and write too much, say perhaps what I shouldn't too early... but if it's ME than why not share? Some things should just be for later. I shared my writing... something I should've waited on. Too soon, too scary. I don't know how to do this or anything anymore. I feel like a failure... getting turned down left and right, or not turned down but I think "I'm busy that day..." two times in a row sends a sign. Third time's a charm? Jodie Foster can't be single for too long.

I always get put in the "friend" category with no intentions of dating or anything. I'm used to it but it doesn't stop me from wanting! Why is the wheelchair such a big deal? I'm not asking anyone to change their life for me, I like someone more independent. Ahhh...

And that was it. The wheelchair/friend thing is just jerking my mind around. I think writing is one great way of releasing... my form of meditation... especially when it's just silent.

Things have to get better. I've morphine but still, pain is also spasms... which I'm getting a lot of. My uti just went away, I hope. My left side is still swollen up but nobody can answer that. I've tried telling them to look at my kidney, see if it's worse. I just want to be like everyone else, able to move without your body saying "nope, let's do this!"

It's bad when you have to go to a civilian hospital vs the VA ER because they won't take you in. I think DG did every test and more that the VA has done and nothing. Botox is coming next month and July comes the cortisone shot, pain relief! The botox loosens up the muscles in the leg... than 3 months later you need to do it again.

My health right now... borderline poor. My mind right now... borderline lost and drifting. My heart right now... you see a song emerging if you read close enough... or read between the lines.

Tis midnight and I'll now turn into a pumpkin... or a cherry, I like Cherries better than pumpkins. And as I drift off into some fairy tale where everything is perfect and nothing is left to wander.

Wander through your dreams!