Crushing vs Attracted to

She walked in and immediately caught my eye. This beautiful smile that steals your attention and draws you to take notice. i took notice. i looked and kept looking throughout the night. there's no way she could be a lesbian, and I didn't bother asking. She was very nice to talk to and very nice to look at.Her dress showed almost her whole back... no tan lines. One can only assume... well, let's let the mind wander. Her skin looked so soft and smooth I could only imagine it close to me. Skin on skin. Why straight girls? When I think about her lips, the curls of her hair, her smooth skin, i immediately want her. She has such unique features. Her face is almost pale but her body is nice and tan. I wanted to kiss her. One kiss and she'd be mine. I could show her in one kiss all the passion she's missed out on. How to get her alone? She had no tattoo's that I could visibly see... something to inquire about. Already, I want to know more. I'm both, crushing and attracted to her. Not the same thing...

Crushing for me means there's where it ends. If I say I'm attracted to her, someone, it says I want to more and maybe go further. Some I'll start a crush and gradually that crush disappears. Others the crush could grow into more but there's reasons why I'm only crushing and not pursuing. Some I'm immediately attracted to for various reasons. Independent. Confident. Stable. Has their own place and car. And baggage... everyone comes with baggage it's all about how they carry it.

My mind is racing and I can't stop it. I keep thinking about Her, about the party on Sunday, about friends, so called friends, distant friends, and frenemy's/ Right now, I drift from her to someone else. Am I the friend when it's convenient and going to get dropped whenever something else comes up? It's becoming that way. I don't want to shut anyone out but maybe stepping back is a good idea... and maybe that's what she did. Other plans come up and I'm immediately dropped... so am I there just because no one else is? Yes, I need more friends willing to go out with me. I find my friends will be going out and not once invite me. Are these people friends or acquaintances? More and more I categorize by friends, facebook friends, or just know them from someone. There's only a handful I might call friends, real friends... and at that nothing is set it stone. At least I get a half truth from one person vs nothing from others. My mind boggles me on this subject... and not before bed.

Think about her lips again. wrapping my hands around her and feeling her bare back. soft lips, soft skin, and I just know... if only....