I try the silence for a moment, hear my dog licking away for a minute, then, now, she stops... just me, this open page, and a smoke.
Beauty is what I wish to create in my backyard. A place, where once again, I'll get lost. I love sitting there looking at the colorful plants and listening to the sound of running water. I don't become a hermit, people are free to come by, but I get stuck and tearing me away is senseless. Just join me. I love having someone next to me where the silence isn't awkward and simply "being" is the right place there and then.
My mind travels off to the same person every time. Some one who can sit, write, talk, do their thing beside me and not necessarily with me... yet, we are together. I know she'd be content, I know she'd enjoy the time passing by if even in silence. My tongue does not carry like my words. I shy away because I am not willing to go through the heartache of telling myself "no." She makes me smile, brightens my day with the simple written words, "I love you." It's not about what it means or if anythings behind it, it just is... love. My mind travels back to her and I wonder, in this second, if she can hear me and is thinking the same too, "Where is she?" After asking for ones number once or twice it's a hint you don't get it back.
Still, I am. I'm content in my own ways, content with a dream, content with just being... me.
Though I still have my worries, still have pain, I'm trying. I'd think a nice lawyer should be called for my Dr and the ER but I worry about my benefits and my pension. I think about all that is a mess and dig deeper in.
Cheers!
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