Late night revelations

This void, if any, plays with my head entertaining thoughts of longing and missing. Other times I feel completely content, anything more would be overwhelming. I once asked myself what I wanted to do and the only things that came to mind were School, drawing/painting, and playing music. I don't seem to have the right breathing for the Harp and the slide guitar doesn't seem like it'll happen with the equipment and strength. I should be driving next month sometime and that'll change a little up. I might go take a class or two. Something to keep my brain working.

My path, halted right now it seems. Maybe it's not so much a void as it is not knowing what's next. I feel like putting some paper in a hat and drawing out different things that I might do. I've two drawings started but want to try painting... oil! Would I feel less of a void? Would I feel content then?

I fear this love I feel will never go where it should simply because it's just so... Gay! I can feel what I do and profess it but not act on it. That's the problem with "straight" women, it's hard after so many years of trying to find someone to admit to yourself and everyone else for that matter, you might be gay. So many conflicts to be together one might wonder why the need to pursue anything. Love.

So... in short. I don't feel a void so much as a lack of doing things and knowing what I need to do next for the future. As for this love... what can I do? I can't stop loving her after 16 years, I just wish she could feel the same, again.

Late nights used to be so good for writing and now, in the back of my mind, I worry who might read this which inhibits my ability to write openly. Why was there no issue with writing it on Myspace? Good question.

Long yawns and joints await me. No more teary yawns! Goodnight.