Let Go

I'm going to try something a friend gave advice to do before writing to help clear your mind which was basically rant and don't look back, don't erase a single thing. I do this often but let's see where this goes...

...i'm sitting in silence and i know what's plaguing my mind but i'm too afraid to write it down or admit that i even feel the way i do. i keep wondering if i'm really content with my life... if you have to wonder i'm guessing that means no. i just know i'd like o be doing more... like school or something. it's this feeling of something missing yet when i look around at my life i can't find anything lacking. some might say a lovelife but then when i do find someone it's like on some level i pick women who are unavailable, unable to commit for one reason... is it because deep down i don't want to commit to anyone because of michelle? it's a mystery to even me. i'm too afraid to admit anything about ali becase i feel like an ass. i feel like i shouldn't be feeling anything. it hurts when she tells me she doesn't like or do soething but then i see her doing it with someone else. my strength with her is minimal and she could care less. the person i know is not who everyone else knows or maybe wants to admit. 

it's been said i need more self confidence... i do. i'm all talk and when i meet people maybe it's ore me who puts them instantly in he "friend" category like i assume they do me. assuming doesn't get us very far. i was molested and given a lap dance by one girl, just talked and talked to another until i tried hooking her up with a "friend." she was telling me how she hates labels and such so i tried, i feel i could've gotten her number but my friend didn't... she claimed she was hung up on hr ex hubby- who never came into our conversation. cop out? i could've gotten her number but i think it would've been on a friedship level. that's where i put myself, but why? 

i've been tempted this pat week and a rush of intense feelings came back when talking to tera, my first girlfriend. arried now with a kid and raising her sisters also. i admire that. i ove seeing her with her kids, it makes me want her even more. in the beginning taling about our sex drives only made me want her. i've felt that intensity before but she hasn't which is such a turn on. i long to kiss her again just to see if that sparks still there... 

And as the night gets later and darkness sets in i fade away dreaming in sin
the softness of her lips races across my mind and i dare again to cross those lines
my desire to hold her and caress her skin lets all those thoughts flood back in.....

I cheated, I went back on a few spelling errors.... there's still more typos.