Who knows a bit all over the displacement..
Luckily we’ve been blessed with days full of sunshine and warmth rather than big snow storms in the month of October! How quickly CO recovers from so much snow and how easy it is to say, “it’s snowing I can’t go in today.”
I wish I hadn’t taken the motor out of my fountain because I’d be running it. It calms me and I can tell, it’s going to be hard letting go this Winter. People fade away into their own land of warmth and comfort as do I, even in the Summer! This year it’s harder after spending time with a few people more than others, becoming that “winter hermit” isn’t so much me anymore… as long as I have my music to go to!
I was extremely happy when I got front row Brandi tix again. I’m gradually learning, as if I didn’t know, who’s there and where for what, however much it hurts to admit to myself. I always say next year will be different… than just want to have fun so I give into my temptation. I could’ve paid a credit card off vs. go to all the Summer concerts I did…. But what’s the fun in that? I’ve thought about literally becoming a hermit for winter but I already made plans or have plans in the waiting.
I’ve quickly messed up again with my thoughts and my words and let things go to far for me, for I was drug in. Addicted briefly but detoxing right now, my veins still feel… your presence. I try not looking to you, try being ever so casual, try doing what you drive me to do… leave you. How quickly I forget that I’ve told myself before not to be lured in, not to be inspired by the mere thought of what “might” be there, or just that “’you” might be there.
This is one reason why going alone to places doesn’t bother me, nobody assumes I’m with whoever I show up with just because we might be cuddly or give a lil friendly peck. I can’t deny I love the company of a few people but right now, I don’t feel I’ve anything to add. I’m not extreme on emotions anymore, I hide well or you’d really know.
It’s amazing the people you meet online vs. the people you meet out at the club. All you can do is Hope that the other’s being honest. I’ve met more “real” people on here this past yr than I have going out. The casual hello vs. a real conversation. It may be by emailing back and forth or chatting but it’s more in depth. I like seeing the deeper side of people, their artistic measure from writing, painting, music, dancing, dressing, the layout of my bedroom…. Ok, just keeping you awake. We’ve come a long way in the “how to” or “how to not” find friendship, dating, or a relationship.
My life, my body, just doesn’t seem to like the Winter months. My sore broke open again, which seems to be repetitious for yrs now come friggin’ Winter or cold. To heal it back up requires an unknown number of days straight in bed, no getting (which I am all too guilty of!) last time it took 8 months to heal. We had it healed up to a pinhead opening, I went to the VA for a week and Boom, twice the size it was plus it had depth to it. I couldn’t lay on their beds when I have a Select Comfort bed that sits up and even has massage and yes, pressure adjusting.
So far things are going alright. I know one aide feels bad about not being here yesterday so he didn’t cancel Friday. Now come Friday afternoon I should have my permit…. Yes, the lil 15 yr old test and if I fail I will be so ashamed. Long Beach VA or I’m going to check if San Diego was a choice… soonest is bestest! Word!
Sometime’s I feel forgotten about, or I’m there if needed out of convenience. One reason I pray I’ll have my license by Summer with my van adapted, is so I needn’t worry where anything is and I can drive myself or be sober cab. I’m not against taking anyone, going with anyone, but I have to admit, I don’t know where these people have gone to. I can only learn a fine lesson in this right? Actions speak loudly. Indeed I could’ve paid off a credit card vs. taking all those I did to about 10 concerts at least, 4 tix to every show. Why do I feel stupid now I did all that?? My internal battle or are these people around only when it’s “good?” I want to trust myself and say No but then doubt sets in.
It’s like the good angel on one shoulder and the bad on the other.
Nursing’s gotten way better but it’s like even having 2 trained in isn’t working, I need a 3rd. Is it bad I’m almost biased and want a guy? The guys have worked out great for the most part. Some don’t mix with my gay aide and if not they disappear. Plus, I’m picky.
I’m told I’m “very particular” and I just say “how would you be?” I’ve had 2 aides so far who’ve told me they’d be Worse than me, I’ve learned to just “settle for it” at times, whether it’s the pants, hair, even how they rub my butt. My life and my demands have gotten less and less… by demands I should clarify,, how my hair is done, what shirt I’m wearing, if I look like I got a “package” up front. Not such high demands but I can’t fix myself or I wouldn’t have an aide.
My hair I’m going to cut/shave as soon as I’m told it’s long enough! When you can’t do it yourself I don’t recommend long hair!
The littlest things you don’t think about. My Gram and I were on the phone this morning and it just came out; I literally have to pay someone to be my hands and it’s a true statement. I can’t even open a letter, oh wait my mouth, well I can’t clean my closet out alone! The great abyss of “she who has too much!”
Until I write more I want my mood switched therefore I must quit this… tempting erotic writing shouldn’t go here!
Laugh, Dance, Cheers!
Luckily we’ve been blessed with days full of sunshine and warmth rather than big snow storms in the month of October! How quickly CO recovers from so much snow and how easy it is to say, “it’s snowing I can’t go in today.”
I wish I hadn’t taken the motor out of my fountain because I’d be running it. It calms me and I can tell, it’s going to be hard letting go this Winter. People fade away into their own land of warmth and comfort as do I, even in the Summer! This year it’s harder after spending time with a few people more than others, becoming that “winter hermit” isn’t so much me anymore… as long as I have my music to go to!
I was extremely happy when I got front row Brandi tix again. I’m gradually learning, as if I didn’t know, who’s there and where for what, however much it hurts to admit to myself. I always say next year will be different… than just want to have fun so I give into my temptation. I could’ve paid a credit card off vs. go to all the Summer concerts I did…. But what’s the fun in that? I’ve thought about literally becoming a hermit for winter but I already made plans or have plans in the waiting.
I’ve quickly messed up again with my thoughts and my words and let things go to far for me, for I was drug in. Addicted briefly but detoxing right now, my veins still feel… your presence. I try not looking to you, try being ever so casual, try doing what you drive me to do… leave you. How quickly I forget that I’ve told myself before not to be lured in, not to be inspired by the mere thought of what “might” be there, or just that “’you” might be there.
This is one reason why going alone to places doesn’t bother me, nobody assumes I’m with whoever I show up with just because we might be cuddly or give a lil friendly peck. I can’t deny I love the company of a few people but right now, I don’t feel I’ve anything to add. I’m not extreme on emotions anymore, I hide well or you’d really know.
It’s amazing the people you meet online vs. the people you meet out at the club. All you can do is Hope that the other’s being honest. I’ve met more “real” people on here this past yr than I have going out. The casual hello vs. a real conversation. It may be by emailing back and forth or chatting but it’s more in depth. I like seeing the deeper side of people, their artistic measure from writing, painting, music, dancing, dressing, the layout of my bedroom…. Ok, just keeping you awake. We’ve come a long way in the “how to” or “how to not” find friendship, dating, or a relationship.
My life, my body, just doesn’t seem to like the Winter months. My sore broke open again, which seems to be repetitious for yrs now come friggin’ Winter or cold. To heal it back up requires an unknown number of days straight in bed, no getting (which I am all too guilty of!) last time it took 8 months to heal. We had it healed up to a pinhead opening, I went to the VA for a week and Boom, twice the size it was plus it had depth to it. I couldn’t lay on their beds when I have a Select Comfort bed that sits up and even has massage and yes, pressure adjusting.
So far things are going alright. I know one aide feels bad about not being here yesterday so he didn’t cancel Friday. Now come Friday afternoon I should have my permit…. Yes, the lil 15 yr old test and if I fail I will be so ashamed. Long Beach VA or I’m going to check if San Diego was a choice… soonest is bestest! Word!
Sometime’s I feel forgotten about, or I’m there if needed out of convenience. One reason I pray I’ll have my license by Summer with my van adapted, is so I needn’t worry where anything is and I can drive myself or be sober cab. I’m not against taking anyone, going with anyone, but I have to admit, I don’t know where these people have gone to. I can only learn a fine lesson in this right? Actions speak loudly. Indeed I could’ve paid off a credit card vs. taking all those I did to about 10 concerts at least, 4 tix to every show. Why do I feel stupid now I did all that?? My internal battle or are these people around only when it’s “good?” I want to trust myself and say No but then doubt sets in.
It’s like the good angel on one shoulder and the bad on the other.
Nursing’s gotten way better but it’s like even having 2 trained in isn’t working, I need a 3rd. Is it bad I’m almost biased and want a guy? The guys have worked out great for the most part. Some don’t mix with my gay aide and if not they disappear. Plus, I’m picky.
I’m told I’m “very particular” and I just say “how would you be?” I’ve had 2 aides so far who’ve told me they’d be Worse than me, I’ve learned to just “settle for it” at times, whether it’s the pants, hair, even how they rub my butt. My life and my demands have gotten less and less… by demands I should clarify,, how my hair is done, what shirt I’m wearing, if I look like I got a “package” up front. Not such high demands but I can’t fix myself or I wouldn’t have an aide.
My hair I’m going to cut/shave as soon as I’m told it’s long enough! When you can’t do it yourself I don’t recommend long hair!
The littlest things you don’t think about. My Gram and I were on the phone this morning and it just came out; I literally have to pay someone to be my hands and it’s a true statement. I can’t even open a letter, oh wait my mouth, well I can’t clean my closet out alone! The great abyss of “she who has too much!”
Until I write more I want my mood switched therefore I must quit this… tempting erotic writing shouldn’t go here!
Laugh, Dance, Cheers!
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